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You see, I went to see My Blueberry Nights this evening (it was good, not flawless, but I really liked it warts and all), and before the movie there was the requisite 15 minutes of indie charm offensive.
The first thing I noticed was: oh my god I am being drenched in white privilege.
(I would like to preface the following bit of alligator-like carnivorous mean by saying that I'm just as rabid about women who have kids on purpose, or because it's the right thing for them to do.)
The second thing I noticed was EVERY MOTHER FUCKING MOVIE MADE THAT HAS A FEMALE PROTAGONIST FILLS HER FULL OF EARTH-BOUND BABY.
Can we PLEEEEEEEEASE have an abortion now? A good one? One like actual women get in the real world?
Yeah, I've heard the arguments from the dicknuckles who splattered out Knocked Up, "it's haaaaaaard to write about abortion. The dramaaaaaaaatic aaaaaaaaaaarc is HAAAAAAARD."
Fuck you. Just, fuck you. The stories are OUT THERE. People do this. WOMEN ARE PEOPLE. It does not have to be a devastating blow. It does not have to be yanked from the jaws of evil totalitarian coathanger police. It does not have to be about how dehumanizing China is. It does not have to be an indicator that the woman in question is a ditz. IS EVERYONE MAKING MOVIES ACTUALLY BRUNDLEFLY GRABBING GEENA DAVIS BEFORE SHE GETS AN ABORTION AND STICKING HER IN HIS CLONE POD FULL OF GOD DAMN BABY MOVIES!? I WANT A FUCKING ABORTION RIGHT FUCKING NOW, HOLLYWOOD!
Maybe I'm just sensitive about this because the idiots were out protesting the local Planned Parenthood (just a couple blocks from my house), and I'd seen them driving there and could tell because they were in a ginormous SUV plastered with four hundred million bumperstickers about how god is a total dick and we should all lay back and think of England or he was going to be really pissed and then we'd all collectively need to tell the doctor that we're stupid clumsy people who fell down the stairs and landing on god's class ring which he accidentally dropped on the landing because we were unfairly asking him to stop brewing meth in the coffee pot again.
That could have been why the preview to whatever that fucking movie was pissed me off. Maybe. Except that Knocked Up sent me into a minor yelling tizzy and that was before the bible-wipers on the corner of Free Condoms and STD Tests were holding up their half-cooked cherry jello baby signs.
No, this has just been pissing me off for a long time and seeing Helen Hunt get milfinated by a nebbitzy Matthew Broderick (who was totally immature and callow because he just couldn't want to have a sprog come out of his dick) just made it explode kind of like Yellowstone will when the supervolcano goes off.
In short, Hollywood? I know you're not listening, but please. Fuck you. Fuck you in both kidney holes. Fuck you in the airtube. Fuck you in every single goddamned sprocket. Fuck you in the avid bay. Fuck you in the Michael Bay. Just fuck you. Fuck you very, very much.
- Music:Jello Biafra & Mojo Nixon WithThe Toadliquors - Will the Fetus be Aborted
Comments
I've heard of Bella, but not seen it. I seem to recall there was another movie recently about an old lady that 'helped the girls', but I can't remember enough specifics to search it out.
Movies like Juno would probably be just fine if they weren't coming in on a raft of similar "rah-rah motherhood". When there's pretty much only one message getting through, all the nuance gets ripped out of even good stuff.
So, any screenplays forthcoming?? Hmmm?? Flip Hollywood on its ass?
So, is anyone bothering to have safe sex in these movies, or is there a rant forthcoming about that as well?
One of the other previews I saw last night was for The Life Before Her Eyes, previously titled In Bloom. From the preview I assumed it was Elephant + Sixth Sense for the total, abject lose. Trying to find out if my impression was correct (and it was a movie about a Columbine-alike survivor breaking down with survivor's guilt and then TWISTO-PRESTO it turns out SHE'S NOT THE ONE THAT SURVIVED OoooOOoOoOOOh). Instead it's a movie about a teenager that had an abortion, was best friends with a tighty-righty church-goer and then survived a Columbine-alike (possibly telling Mr. Trenchcoat that if he had to choose one of them, please choose the god-fearin' one who hadn't killed a baby). Thus, she is wracked with guilt, Guilt, GUILT over her terrible sinful ways.
So, if I'd known that when I wrote my rant last night, I probably would've just exploded.